When Was the Last Time You Were Made to Really Stop and Think?

What’s the most thought provoking question you’ve been asked at work this month?

Most of my discussions, reading and reflection with clients this month has focused on the communication skill of questions. When I ask this question of my clients, the most common response is a blank face, a furrowed brow… silence.

Curiosity – manifested in brilliant questions is a skill which, when we were little kids, we were utterly brilliant at, and plagued our parents, teachers and others with endless questions, every single day with them.

So what?

So, what’s true as we become adults; as we become more educated, more experienced, more elevated in our careers, then something happens in relation to questions – and it’s not good. We just don’t ask enough of them. Why not? That’s the natural first question to ask and the answers which I’ve heard are wide-ranging and complicated:

• “I don’t want to look stupid” (psychological safety)
• “I don’t want others to think I can’t do this role” (reputation)
• “I should know all this” (shame)
• “I don’t have time to engage with these people/this meeting” (overwhelmed)
• “I know all this” (delusional)
• “I’m typically right on this” (even more delusional)

My point is this: managers have all the right answers; leaders have all the right questions. We reach for our phones endlessly during the day. We should think of cultivating our curiosity by reaching for questions in the same way as we reach for our phone. Cultivate a set of ‘killer questions’ which act in the service of the conversation, the ideas on the table, and the decisions in front of the team.

And invite others to really stop and think.

The Top 3 Mistakes in Leadership Communication To Avoid

My conversations with clients this month have taken me across the globe; working with graduates to board room executives, working in a range of different industries. Some themes have evolved which prompts me to share what works well… and what to avoid.

As always, and as a disclaimer… the theory of communication is easy… the practice of it is not. This is about rigour; that’s the challenge. Doing this well, whether we’re prepared or not, whether the audience is receptive or not, whether it’s our area of expertise of not, being a brilliant communicator in the hybrid world of work today means:

1. Replace Speed with Specificity: too often the pace of discussion is very quick with almost no ‘thinking time’ before the speaking starts. As a result, the length of contributions is too long and not sufficiently relevant. Instead, slow down, pause, reflect and then comment in a specific and relevant way.
   
   
2. Replace Data Density with Decisiveness: A wall of data is just that… a wall. It overwhelms and confuses the audience. Decide what your message is and then decide the most compelling data around which to convey your story.
   
   
3. Replace Being Clever with Being Curious: Managers have all the right answers; leaders have all the right questions. Proving what you know all the time persuades no-one. Ask more; tell less.

What can you dial up now?

Fabulous Feedback

Several high potential talent development initiatives this month have prompted me to consider how brilliant communicators give brilliant feedback. I call feedback ‘the F word in leadership’ and I refer to it whether commenting on strengths or gaps. Building trust, creating a culture of ‘psychological safety’ and getting the timing right are fundamental to the recipients of feedback feeling helped, valued, supported, and not harmed, diminished, beaten.

One of the biggest gaps my clients and I have been discussing is when the right moment comes to open our mouths and speak, it can still all go horribly wrong. What works and what doesn't?

1. Use a simple model. Several of my global clients use the framework of ‘continue and consider’; which I really, really like.
   
   
2.  Keep the comments short. The insight should be shared in a few seconds. For example:
   

• “Consider shortening your explanation. I got lost in the detail of what you said”.

• “Continue to provide the business case. I was persuaded by the return on investment”. There is far too much elaboration, expansion, excuse… the insight is lost in all the ‘blah, blah, blah’ around it

     3.  Pause and repeat if the recipient didn’t hear it, process it, understand it.

There’s a rigour here which all leaders need to improve. Be generous, and consistent with giving feedback, as well as open, receptive, and curious to receiving it yourself.

What Are Your Superpowers?

It’s not only the fictional character Superman who has superpowers; we all do.

My conversations with clients recently have focused on encouraging leaders around the world to be curious about their superpowers. What are we talking about? These are the things which all of us do effortlessly, brilliantly, almost imperceptibly, often without even realising it, and without even really understanding how we do it; we just do it. The result? Others appreciate our superpowers deeply.

In a fast paced, intense, urgency-biased, post-Covid business world, it’s very easy - and completely understandable - to focus exclusively on the ‘reds’, the ‘deltas’, the problems, the issues, and the gaps which we and our teams have and look to fix them. That’s understandable of course. However if we’re going to lead more effectively, engage more effectively, communicate more effectively, inspire more effectively and strengthen relationships more effectively, then we need to understand what we’re really, really, really good at, and be curious about how to use it, to serve the conversation, to improve a professional relationship, to overcome a challenge, to remove a barrier, to make progress, to increase the engagement and satisfaction of our customers, our colleagues, our team and ourselves.

Leadership is a relationship business first and foremost, and that means leaning into your strengths, your superpowers, for the benefit of everyone.

And if you’re not sure what your superpowers are? Start asking those whom you trust to share… and you might well be surprised as to what you hear.

When Is A Strength Not A Strength?

My conversations with clients this month have focused extensively on this question. All of us have strengths which are fantastic, enable us to achieve extraordinary results, work brilliantly with others, overcome a wide range of challenges and obstacles, and such strengths are quite simply part of who we are.

And yet… there will always be specific, individual contexts in which specific strengths do not work for us, and instead, they work against us.

For example, if you are driven, determined, and willing to invest whatever time and energy is required to succeed, then clearly, these are strengths which contribute to your professional success. However, when you are overly tired, under pressure, feeling unappreciated and are someone who hasn’t laughed enough recently, rested enough recently, exercised enough recently, and asked for help enough recently, then these strengths aren’t working for you, they are working against you.

So, quite simply, the answer to the question ‘when is a strength not a strength?’ is this: when the strength is overplayed.

This reveals a development opportunity for all of us. Overplayed strengths are situation specific; they are not failings. They are strengths which aren’t helping in a particular context. As a result, they invite our curiosity, our openness and willingness to learn, garner the right resources, and get the support we need to be more effective in such situations in the future.

Have you ever met people who, when they start talking, just don’t seem to know when to stop?

My conversations with clients this month have been heavily focused on listening wholeheartedly and getting comfortable with the concept of pausing (to think!) before replying. Why is this so important? Because our ability to listen well has plummeted as a result of working remotely. It’s not that great in person either to be honest, and this has dramatically affected our ability to communicate effectively.

All too often in business I encounter behaviour which I call the ‘press play’ trap. What do I mean by ‘press play?’ Some of us reading this article have enough life experience to remember the cassette recorder. You hit a button when a song came on the radio, to record it for posterity.

In the world of work, the ‘press play’ trap means that someone starts talking… and keeps talking… and is still talking… whilst being blissfully unaware that they’ve lost their audience.

When it comes to communication, this is our challenge. Stop and think. Organize your thoughts first – rather than share all the internal dialogue. Say less. Say it better. Say it in a way that is crisp, concise, compelling. Cut out the waffle.

Why? Because otherwise you’ll build a brand as the ‘press play’ person. When you start; you don’t stop. Don’t be that person. Don’t fall into that trap.

On such a note… 

I’ll take my cue.

Anyone else suffering from cognitive overload?

I’ve been experiencing cognitive overload recently.

In simple terms, it happens when the brain is overwhelmed with information and in the context of learning, I’ve found myself on the receiving end of it during this past month. To deliver some work for a client, I have been asked to learn, understand, synthesise, and then translate content which I have not created, but need to deliver.

Oh my.

As I reviewed the material, I experienced all sorts of anxiety. There was way too much information, so my attention started to wander. There were far too many concepts, so it was hard to distinguish the threads of connection and purpose of understanding it all. There were way too many builds, so I quickly realised that each slide was going to be a long slog. There were too many bullets, which meant that the density of each point weighed heavily on my mind and finally, there was just far too much complexity.

So what?

Yet again I’m drawn to how this experience relates to the way in which we need to influence, persuade, and engage others in our professional lives. For the audience, it needs to feel relevant, straightforward, clear, ‘risk free’, light on the head, the heart, and the hands.

Our challenge with communication as leaders is to come out of the density, provide the clarity and know when to stop.

That’s my cue.

Until next time….