How Do We Meaningfully Build Relationships In A Hybrid Work Environment?

During Covid-19 when we were all working from home and the office doors were locked; a surprising fact is just how productive we all became. We got extremely busy and accomplished a lot. Whilst managing our health, looking after our families, worrying about those we love, staying safe, and wondering when all of this would end; we worked, and worked and worked.

Tasks won out.

However, amongst many things, in a professional context, what suffered as a result of the global pandemic was our relationships at work. No time to natter; no walking down the corridors catching up on the latest events, no gossiping in the kitchen as we make a coffee, no sitting in the canteen and eating our lunches, no sharing plans for the day/week/weekend, no moments of connection, fun or friendship.

It is in all of these moments that we build ‘social capital’, and it is that which binds us together, makes us feel like we belong, like this is a great place to be. It is in these moments that trust is built, and we feel psychologically safe.

Humans are wired for connection because we’re pack animals. We want to feel part of something. Fundamentally, we want to feel that we matter. Now that we’re navigating a forever changed work environment where we’re both remote and, in the office, the strain, the challenge and the opportunity, is to strengthen our relationships with colleagues.

Why? Because we’re all in a relationship business. We need others to get things done, help us out, make our lives easier, deliver results, demonstrate value to our customers… the list is endless.

Harvard Business Review published research pre-pandemic which reveals that we’re two and a half times more likely to mistrust colleagues we don’t see very often versus those we see regularly face-to-face. We feel less psychologically safe around them and are more likely to perceive incompetence, mistrust and poor decision making.

And here’s the challenge… just how do we meaningfully build relationships now? Especially given the new, hybrid world of work. I’m struck by how many clients operate from the belief that “well, it just happens”. Sometimes that may be the case, but most often the reality is that it does not. Why? Because we need to fight through all of the demands of time and task to get the attention of others, demonstrate value, create connection and build trust. We don’t have much time, or even the same type of opportunities in which to do this, and so we need different skills and strategies to do this well.

So where to begin? Over the next couple of months, I’ll share a variety of practical approaches which work in the hybrid world. Here’s just three to kick us off:

1. Set SMART goals for the relationship. Wait, what? Because we need to set intentions and gauge whether or not our efforts are working. Think in very practical terms. For example, by the end of the quarter I want to have met that person face to face. That’s a SMART goal. What’s next? That’s where most people get stuck. Don’t just assume that you’re now mates for life; you’re not. It is a subtle, gradual process around which there is much more to say… and I’ll do so over the coming months.
2. Be fully present. Hideously bad habits have become the norm (e.g., talking to you whilst on my device; demonstrably doing emails and not listening on a remote call, off camera most of the time etc.). All of these things and many more besides say ‘you’re not worth all my attention’. Well good luck with that. Show up and be fully present, otherwise don’t show up at all.
3. Be curious about others. I have an expression called ‘the press play person’. This individual (and they might be in our family or social circle, never mind at work) just talks, and talks, and talks. It’s like pressing play on a podcast, movie or song. It just goes on and on and on. They never asks you a question about you, your life, your family, what’s important for you, what’s going on for you… they simply talk and talk and talk. Don’t be the ‘press play’ person.

Meaningfully building relationships in the hybrid environment isn’t easy. There’s much more to say….and I’ll be saying it next time.

Emotional Labour Is Part Of Being A Leader

I’m working with a global brand whose executive team is exhausted. There are many reasons which could point to the reasons why: a world recovering from the impact of Covid-19, a war in Europe, the charge of customers to buy online, a challenging economy, difficulty in recruiting the best talent, trying to get the workforce back into the office… the list is endless.

And yet… as businesses everywhere grapple with the consequences of all these undoubted difficulties, one powerful reason behind the exhaustion is easily overlooked. It is the challenge and responsibility of ‘emotional labour’.

Wait, what?

Yes, ‘emotional labour’ is a ‘thing’ in leadership.

Harvard Business Review published – as they always do – some brilliant research in 2022 which explores ‘The Emotional Labour of Being A Leader’, and in some ways it explains what leaders have known for years. In order to be effective, we need to balance optimism and pragmatism, we need to translate powerful emotions from those above us into messages that will enthuse our teams, we need to be seen as calm and in control whenever things look like they are falling apart. Here’s another list which is endless. Anyone who has ever managed others will know that this means there is always an emotional issue or difficulty going on for at least one member of their team, which needs our support in some way.

And that’s emotional labour.

So what?

Well, so there are so many angles to explore here aren’t there?

1. Let’s start with ourselves. How has the emotional labour I’ve undertaken impacted how I’m now ‘showing up’ at work to my team? What’s been the impact on my resilience? Authenticity? Energy levels? If the answers to these questions are ‘not good’, what is it that I must now do do to rest, recharge and restore my zest for what I do and why I do it?
2. Now let’s turn to our teams. There’s also the ‘how’s my team’ angle. If our view is that we’re in a good place, but our team might not be (because of the amount of emotional labour they’ve undertaken), what’s the impact? How is it affecting their professional relationships? Productivity? Engagement? What do they really need now?
3. Oh, and one more challenge – to do all of this for ourselves and others in the hybrid world of work, which is here forever more.

As we mark the third year since the pandemic began, and take a moment to look back at everything that has happened to us and our teams, we will have engaged in emotional labour as never before. It’s easy to be flippant; one leader said to me that this is just ‘tea and sympathy’… which is fundamentally to miss the point… and the opportunity. Every leader – no matter their role, industry, geography or economy is in the business of relationships first and foremost. Being an engaging leader, conveying presence, impact, authority and driving that ‘I’ll follow you anywhere’ loyalty amongst teams, colleagues, customers and stakeholders alike means reflecting on how we really are, what we really need to be even more energized amidst the challenges, and how we can help our teams to step up, deliver more and have a brilliant time as they do so.

That’s emotional labour and that’s leadership….meaningful, effective, inspiring leadership.

Dial Up The Empathy

An intensely frustrating personal experience recently has focused my mind on its implications for how we connect and relate to others.

I locked myself out of my house.

Never done that before; but as I went into the front garden to talk with the engineer from my broadband provider, the front door clicked firmly shut.

I had no coat, phone, cards, cash, keys (obviously) or any way to get back into the house.

Calls, meetings and work awaited, it was freezing cold and my husband was in the City of London; an hour away.

We’d changed our front door locks a mere 24 hours early, and with high security keys, the normal spare key that is hidden outside was not yet in place.

I don’t know my husband’s mobile number off by heart (because it’s in my phone under his name). I borrowed the engineer’s phone to dial his work number… a tedious rerouting process which proved absurdly unhelpful then ensued.

A tale of woe for sure.

Here’s my point. The first 5 strangers I called (using the lovely engineer’s phone), in an attempt to get them to help me in some way, laughed. They laughed. What’s so funny? Why laugh when someone is genuinely in a difficult and frustrating situation? I simply don’t get it.

Secondly, listening skills were incredibly poor. Each individual offered (after getting past the hilarity of the situation) to take my number and call me back. Did I mention that I’d locked myself out and my phone wasn’t with me?

Thirdly, it got me thinking… was that just an odd day and these were odd responses? Or is it reflective of a more common trend?

Here’s my conclusion. Empathy is powerfully conveyed in the first, immediate moments of our response to others. How we respond dramatically impacts the perception others will have of us, the emotion others will feel about us and the long term memory that others will hold in relation to us. I’m also reminded of the fundamental need we as human beings have for empathy… especially in moments of vulnerability large and small. I’ve yet to meet a professional who doesn’t think that they show empathy, however I’m equally certain that we can completely miss the moments to show it, meaningfully, wholeheartedly, humanely, kindly.

If we want individuals to grow, if we want teams to evolve and strengthen trust; if we want our best people to really love working with and for our business, if we want them to achieve that which seems impossible at work, we need to encourage our people to take risks, get things wrong, learn from their mistakes, regroup and go again. That will require courage and vulnerability in spades.

So, when they do take that leap, my question for leaders is very simple. When it comes to empathy, how can all of us dial it up?

Turning Expertise Into Impact & Influence

 

For all of us today we work in the business of translation. Wait, what?

All of us are in the business of translation whenever we need to influence those who don’t have the same technical expertise as us.

In a fast paced, global, matrixed, changing business world, evolving through the consequences of a pandemic, professionals everywhere continue to drive performance amidst rapid change and challenge. We do so within a business climate which is trying to ‘fast start’ 2023, navigate a hybrid working environment, and where executives are trying to work out what their policy is regarding encouraging employees to come back to the office.

What Often Happens Is:

• The habit of ‘can you just put a few slides together?’ is a commonplace, reasonable, but often not useful request that comes our way when meetings appear on our calendar… and we readily comply.
• The purpose of the conversation isn’t clear or agreed, in order to help manage the scope of the discussion.
• The virtual environment has reinforced an over reliance on too many slides to enhance presenter confidence and bring more control to the way in which we manage the audience.
• Slides are eye wateringly dense, data heavy and without a clear message.
• Remote audiences can readily, openly and often disengage because either they don’t understand and/or care about what is being said.
• Alternatively, our audience can gloriously – and without rancour – disrupt and derail what we wanted to communicate.

To Translate Our Expertise We Must:

• Be far more rigorous around what the objective of what we share on slides.
• Provide context immediately. Why this topic? Why now? Why should your audience care about what you’re talking about?
• Embrace this fact: credibility does not come from sharing lots of detail, data, expertise. It comes from the clarity of your message. This means we must learn to let go of the ‘the audience needs to know all this’. Often, they don’t.
• Organize your message first. Notice this post is in 3 clear parts and reflects the narrative arc from storytelling. It enables the message flow to be quickly, readily, easily understood.
• Hone soundbites. Soundbites have a personality, pack a punch, leap in the ear and stay there. We want our audience to remember and repeat key phrases, soundbites, conclusions which resonate and persuade.
• Translate our expertise means leaving out a lot of content. This is uncomfortable and difficult to learn to do; and yet it is essential. For your message to have clout, you need to leave the density out. Get to the point, refine the essence, be more crisp.
• Realise that ‘FYI’ is not influence. That’s sharing information. I’m talking about influence. Your audience wants to know: what do you want from me? We need to be absolutely unambiguous with our ask.

Everything about communication is easy – in theory. However, doing this effectively, consistently and persuasively is not. It takes focus, practice, experience, repetition, rigour. We must assume that our colleagues believe we have expertise. Our challenge is to hone the skills which translate that expertise into impact and influence.

When Does Empowering Our Teams To Deliver Become Enabling Bad Behaviour?

My conversations this month have - as always - focused on communication in leadership; and specifically, the challenge of getting the balance right between challenge and support when it comes to driving performance from our team. We live in a world where talent is hard to find, harder to recruit and even harder still to retain. This commercial reality in a world trying to live with Covid-19 adds an additional layer of complexity to engaging our team to deliver, and my time this past month has been spent with a fashion brand that is a global powerhouse in the industry, who is wrestling with such a challenge.

Specifically, the focus of my discussions with senior leaders who need to take the performance of their team to the next level has been consistent: how to ensure that we empower our teams to deliver, rather than enable bad behaviour? What’s the bad behaviour specifically I hear you wonder? ‘I don’t know’, ‘I haven’t got time’, ‘I don’t know where to get that’, ‘I tried that and it didn’t work’ type responses to dealing with issues, requests, challenges. Have you come across it at all, I wonder?

The difficulty for leaders everywhere is that in the race to be supportive, empathic, helpful and motivating, we can fall prey to the sin of allowing our team to ‘do a YP’. My first ever boss described a ‘YP’ as ‘your problem’. So, when our teams do have an issue, challenge or difficulty, they want to share it with you in order for you to ‘fix’ it. That’s ‘doing a YP’. Now their problem is your problem. And they look forward to hearing from you when you’ve resolved it.

But, isn’t that our job? Aren’t we there to do precisely that? Make their lives easier? Sort problems, resolve issues, galvanize and motivate our team to step up, rather than have them wasting time on issues which you can easily sort?

Beware. Yes, we need to be flexible, dependent on the ability and willingness of our teams to complete the task (we’ve all come across situational leadership), however, engaging our teams is all about enabling them to become more confident and confident to resolve such issues themselves.

Our communication - if it is to be effective - means getting the balance right between ‘tell’ and ‘ask’. Being able to ask brilliant, crisp questions that explore what they’ve learned, scrutinize what they’ve done, explore their ideas are to address the challenge, identify who can help them, brainstorm options, ground them in metrics of success and agree a date by which we’ll catch up on what they’ve done to gauge progress.

Whoever is asking the questions is controlling the conversation. Pure coaching is the secret sauce of leadership communication…woven into the discussion seamlessly, effortlessly. All of us are much more invested in making our ideas work, rather than trying someone else’s, and that’s how we ensure that we empower our teams, rather than enable bad behaviour.

What’s The Problem We’re Trying To Solve?

I’ve been working with three global brands this month, talking about the concept of selling ideas, leading change and delivering a different result.

There are so many skills and strategies which sit behind taking an idea, convincing a business to invest in it, and then driving lasting adoption over time… there’s a lot of ground to cover and a lot of communication skills to master.

The focus of our discussions has been right at the beginning of leading this change, and the first place things tend to fall over is right at the start. Why? Because whilst the good news is that whilst we have an idea to address an issue, the bad news is that it can drive down the scrutiny with which we identify what exactly our idea will help address. We’re so excited and enthusiastic about what we propose, that we quickly, readily, repeatedly revert to talking about how marvellous our idea is; because that’s what will persuade, right?

Wrong. Unfortunately.

In my experience, no matter how brilliant our idea may be, the chances are that someone, somewhere in our business has - or is currently - trying to address the issue. The challenge, or should I say the necessity, is to demonstrate absolute rigour.

What’s the problem we’re trying to solve? The simplicity of this question betrays the power of it. Are we talking symptoms or root cause? What’s changed? What’s the value to our customers? To our business? What’s the return on investment as a result? Why is this a problem? Why now? Who is it a problem for? What’s the scope of this problem? Does it exist everywhere or only in some places? Who’s tried to fix it before? What have we learned as a result?

These are questions which we need to ask repeatedly to stakeholders in the business in order to shape our thinking around the problem which our idea will solve, and we definitely need to adapt, improvise and amend our thinking around the problem which our idea will solve.

Problems are never what they appear… and never what they become in relation to garnering support from others to invest in idea.

Selling ideas starts with defining the problem you want to solve… so in terms of rigour and scrutiny, remember to ask ‘what’s the problem we’re trying to solve?’ Repeatedly.

Do You Talk Too Much?

When was the last time someone started talking… and as you listened, you wished they would just stop? I’ve been working with both clients and colleagues this month and I am reminded about the need to be clear, precise and concise. Very recently, I have partnered with a colleague in my industry who simply talks far too much in their answers. They talk about topics which don’t relate to the question, they repeat everything, quickly and they just keep on talking… it’s actually painful and frustrating to experience. Too. Much. Information. TMI. Poor listening. Lack of curiosity. Really poor skills.

The research from the world of behaviour economics supports a different approach, and we absolutely have to dial up our skills in this area - especially in a remote working environment that is here to stay. Harvard Business Review published fascinating research in 2016 that I use regularly with my clients to encourage talking less. The first twenty seconds of speaking typically means we have the ear of our audience. As pack animals, we actually like talking and during this period, we can get comfortable and start to relax into our point. Isn’t that great? Well, beware. If we keep talking for a further twenty seconds, there is a very real danger that our audience will think that we’re talking too much. Beyond forty seconds? Then steady on; it’s highly likely that we’ve lost the room.

Being better means:

1. Gathering your thoughts before starting to speak.
2. Organizing your message into three parts.
3. Pacing your delivery so that the audience can understand what is being said.
4. Knowing when to stop.

I’ll take my cue, right there.